this question has been weighing on me lately. it’s very simple, should it matter? let me explain myself a bit first.
as i have become more visibly pregnant, i have received a lot of well wishes and congratulations from perfect strangers, new neighbors, and women associated with the team that i am just starting to meet. and while i genuinely appreciate the “congratulations” versus the “i’m sorry” i once received, i struggle with whether or not i
need to should share with them that our little guy will be different. this is usually how the interactions go:
person: congratulations! when are you due?
me: thank you! in January.
person: wow, you must be excited! do you know what you are having?
me: yes, we are very excited. another boy!
person: aw, that’s wonderful. they are going to be the best of friends (looking at Landon who is usually smiling or trying to destroy something near by)!
me: yes, that is what we hope! two partners in crime.
so here’s my struggle. it’s not with the perfect stranger. it’s with the people that i will see and continue to see over these coming months. it’s with the people who don’t know about this blog or my instagram or know me on a more personal level.
once little bug is born, are we (or, perhaps, just me) going to become “gossip?” are people going to talk about us and discuss whether or not they think we knew before he was born? and then i struggle again because, truthfully, why do i care? i usually don’t. but for some reason, something deep down, bothers me about becoming “talk” that probably won’t have the best of intentions behind the conversation. it bothers me that people will then potentially feel sorry for us and our life.
i choose not to tell people in that initial interaction because it doesn’t matter. i refuse to let little bug’s life be dictated by his diagnosis. he is already so much more than that. just like any other pregnancy and baby, i want him to be celebrated for the blessing that he is. so far, these interactions are too brief and in inappropriate settings to share something so personal. BUT i still struggle with whether or not i should.
does it matter? should it matter?
One thought on “should it matter”
Love this post and know exactly what you are feeling. We just had our second little boy in August who we knew had an extra chromosome from about 18 weeks of pregnancy. I shared with some people and didn’t with others. For me – sharing was therapeutic when we first got the results as it was weighing heavier on my heart and talking about it (with closer friends and coworkers) helped me. I know what you mean though about it not defining your new precious babe – because it totally won’t once he’s here – just a small part of who he is. Congratulations to you – and hang in there – those last few months bring preg w toddler can be crazy!