in darkness, there is light

i want to start this post off by first saying thank you for all the love and support you all have shown me over these last few days. i was hesitant to share the last post, but you have shown me grace and i am so grateful for that.

now to go back to the weeks following my last post…

we just received the results of my NIPS blood test (i will touch on this more later) and it was time to start sharing the news of my pregnancy. after all, i was almost 14 weeks pregnant and people would start to notice a belly soon enough. truth was, i was in denial about it all, but mike and i both knew it was time.

Mike jumped right in. he would share the news of our growing family and simultaneously share the challenges we were facing. he may not have shared all the gory details, but from my perspective, it seemed so effortless to him. for me, i was worried and scared. i was afraid of how our families and friends would receive the news. would there be joy like there was with Landon? would we be distanced from friends because our lives were about to be so different, they couldn’t relate? i don’t know why i let this get to me, but it did.

in all the darkness, there was light and it all started when i began to share everything. first with our families, who, while they were heartbroken for our struggles, were the most receptive. each and everyone of them promised to love our next little boy just as much as they love our current one.

second with my friends. all i can say is wow. i never expected to feel so loved and accepted, but i did. not to mention, once i shared what was going on with our sweet baby, my world felt a little a less isolated. one friend had a friend go through the same situation. the next friend had a friend of a friend who walked this journey. and each one of those friends insisted i connect with them. at the time, i was sure if i was ready to do that. after sleeping on it for a couple days, i decided it couldn’t hurt to connect with others. this was the start of more light.

third, with Mike’s job opportunities. God may have thrown us a major curveball, but he was also giving us the tools we needed to help us navigate this new life. the same day we received the blood test results, Mike accepted a new position with the Atlanta Hawks. we were going home. well, my home. this would bring us back to the east coast and close to our families. we would have the support of our families without requiring a cross country flight and major planning.

day to day was still a battle, but there was light and it gave me a sense of hope i had been missing for the last couple weeks. to all our friends and family who sent sweet texts, cards, flowers, ice cream (you know the way to my heart), emails, messages, phone calls, etc., THANK YOU. from the bottom of my heart, thank you for truly making this girl feel loved. we have the most incredible village.

finally, i have to acknowledge my incredible husband for bringing us some light. we have had a blessed marriage, not without its struggles, but this was our first real hurdle. Mike has seen me at my best and at my absolute worst (this might have been it) and has loved me all the way through. he’s been our rock and i know we will come out on top of this.

don’t get me wrong, i was still in tough place. with all the love and support lifting us up, i was starting to see the light.

before i sign off, i want to address the medical side of things. at this point in time, we still did not have a true “diagnosis.” the NIPS is still only a screening test with a small margin of error. the test results were positive for down syndrome and klinefelters syndrome (the sex chromosome abnormality i mentioned in the last post). it is extremely, extremely rare for a baby to have both chromosomal abnormalities. the NIPS test is very accurate for detecting down syndrome, but less accurate for the sex chromosome abnormalities. we decided at this point in time, we would move forward with an amniocentesis to get a diagnosis and potentially rule out the klinefelters. the amniocentesis would have to wait until I was at least 16 weeks pregnant.

 

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my light

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