should it matter

this question has been weighing on me lately. it’s very simple, should it matter? let me explain myself a bit first.

as i have become more visibly pregnant, i have received a lot of well wishes and congratulations from perfect strangers, new neighbors, and women associated with the team that i am just starting to meet. and while i genuinely appreciate the “congratulations” versus the “i’m sorry” i once received, i struggle with whether or not i need to should share with them that our little guy will be different. this is usually how the interactions go:

person: congratulations! when are you due?

me: thank you! in January.

person: wow, you must be excited! do you know what you are having?

me: yes, we are very excited. another boy!

person: aw, that’s wonderful. they are going to be the best of friends (looking at Landon who is usually smiling or trying to destroy something near by)!

me: yes, that is what we hope! two partners in crime.

so here’s my struggle. it’s not with the perfect stranger. it’s with the people that i will see and continue to see over these coming months. it’s with the people who don’t know about this blog or my instagram or know me on a more personal level.

once little bug is born, are we (or, perhaps, just me) going to become “gossip?” are people going to talk about us and discuss whether or not they think we knew before he was born? and then i struggle again because, truthfully, why do i care? i usually don’t. but for some reason, something deep down, bothers me about becoming “talk” that probably won’t have the best of intentions behind the conversation. it bothers me that people will then potentially feel sorry for us and our life.

i choose not to tell people in that initial interaction because it doesn’t matter. i refuse to let little bug’s life be dictated by his diagnosis. he is already so much more than that. just like any other pregnancy and baby, i want him to be celebrated for the blessing that he is. so far, these interactions are too brief and in inappropriate settings to share something so personal. BUT i still struggle with whether or not i should.

does it matter? should it matter?

the bug.

i am currently writing this post from the couch, eating ice cream, watching real housewives of dallas and resting my back. no judgements please. man, being pregnant the second time around while trying to wrangle an almost 30 lb, 17 month old is physically draining. this time around, my back is not loving me, so here i am trying to take a break while i have a house with endless to-dos staring me in the face.

here’s an update on where we are at this week. nothing new to report medically as it relates to little bug. i am officially 27 weeks. woah. however, little bug and i got hit with a big whammy of a stomach bug.

we enjoyed a wonderful visit with Mike’s parents and just finished afternoon at a tip-off event for the new season, when WHAM!, i was hit with a stomach bug.

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pre stomach bug happiness

at first, i thought it was food poisoning (because where would i have picked up this bug), but then 48 hours later Mike got hit. then, the worst of it, Landon woke up Tuesday night after vomiting all over himself and his crib. major panic for me and my momma heart. the little guy didn’t understand what was going on and we could not get him to stop throwing up. with Mike down for the count, i called in my mom for reinforcements so i could at least put him down and clean up the mess. THESE ARE THE MOMENTS I AM GRATEFUL TO BE BACK HOME!!!

sparing you all the gory details, but we ended up in the ER with Landon late Tuesday night to get him some zofran. poor guy just could not stop the sickness. after a dose of the meds, my little man was back to his usual self flirting with the nurses and smiling.

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all smiles for his first trip to the ER

 

it honestly took a week for our entire household to recover. i spent the next couple days sanitizing everything in sight. after both the physical and emotional exhaustion of the week, we decided to hop in the car with my parents and head to the beach for a couple days. a little fun in the sun is just what the doctor ordered! and the sweetest beach naps.

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and just when we thought we were all recovered, WHAM!, my mom got hit with the bug. this dang bug. i pray y’all do not get hit with this thing!

other life things going on this week other than being taken out by the stomach bug – the house is still in shambles. there is not a single room that is complete, but i will say i have some visions and plans that i just need to execute. little bug is KICKING a lot. he’s just happy as clam in there. we have not made any progress on the name front (just haven’t had time to think about it), but did make progress with pediatrician research and information interviews. i will keep y’all posted about that. i know i will feel more at ease when i choose a pediatrician.

emotionally, this week really took it out of me. i don’t know if it’s the extra focus on down syndrome due to down syndrome awareness month (which is incredible, so please don’t misunderstand me), or the buddy walk that took place in Atlanta last weekend, or just the result of being overly tired and physically exhausted, but i ended the week in tears. i am in a valley again for the time being. feeling totally unprepared for life with two under two, unprepared for a baby with special needs, unprepared to become a “special needs mom.” just overall unprepared and feeling majorly guilty. so i am trying to give myself some grace and trying to remind myself that this too shall pass.

my goals for this week – take care of myself a little more, keep calling preschools/parents morning out programs for Landon (so far on 3 waitlists…ugh), and embrace this pregnancy a little more. i may even take a bump picture…