parenting – Down Home with the Irrs

one YEAR update

in typical fashion, i have neglected the blog posts. between mike’s travel schedule, brady’s appointments, landon’s most epic 4 month long sleep regression, and the holidays, i just couldn’t get myself to stay up to write posts. not kidding, we were going to sleep at 9 every night….

here i am at 7:30 pm writing brady’s one year update almost a month late. whoop whoop!

first, let’s just get this out of the way – BRADY IS ONE YEAR OLD. how????? i don’t know, but mike would say it’s felt every bit of one year, ha!

in the last few months, brady has changed a lot. physically, he has gone from just starting to push up to sitting, to CONSTANTLY pushing up to sitting. it’s both adorable and frustrating when you are trying to change diapers, get him dressed or work on trying to crawl. the kid wants nothing to do with being on his tummy anymore! he’s started to army crawl and can pretty much get anywhere he wants to go with a lot of rolling involved!

if you follow us on instagram, then you know the rollercoaster that is brady’s feeding journey. brady has feeding therapy once a week and it’s by far our biggest challenge. we take a few steps forward and a few back. feeding is more challenging to see progress and sometimes this momma needs that progress to keep it up. however, he has definitely made progress in the last few months. brady is moving on from purees to soft solids. he’s showing interest and is not gagging or choking as often as he was before. this is huge! i pray he can continue to make strides in the right direction with this all.

speech is also a major challenge for brady. speech therapy is something that will be in his life forever. brady is not babbling much and does not have any words just yet, but he’s vocal, loves to “talk” and makes his voice heard when he wants to.

in other news, i officially sent in brady’s katie beckett (medicaid) application and we are praying and praying for an approval soon. we hit a small bump in the road and the medical review team requested more paperwork. our hope is the updated paperwork is the final piece to the puzzle and we can get an approval! this is incredible important for this calendar year because the number of therapy visits brady gets per year, will not be enough. after those visits are used, it will be up to us to pay for everything totally out-of-pocket. with katie beckett, medicaid will take over those overages when we reach our private insurance limit.

three month update

hooray! today is the day our little brady bug turns THREE months old. how? i’m not really sure, but time is moving both at warp-speed and slow (hello long days). it has been a big month for brady and i am excited to share with you all where we are at!

new this month in terms of milestones – brady is SMILING! i pretty much spend all day trying to get those sweet little gummy smiles out of my little man. he spends more time awake during the day, which i love, and he has started to coo. my heart can’t handle it. these are little newborn things i never new i missed until now.

landon is still adjusting. most days he’s great with brady. he will want to help hold brady’s bottle and give him kisses. every morning, i can hear the pitter-patter of landon’s feet running to our room to find brady in his bassinet. sweetness. other days, however, it’s a smack to the face, poke in the eye, and whine kind of day. you win some and lose some. we are working on big brother skills, but happy to report we have mostly good days.

other things that are new this month have more to do with the medical side of life with brady. we had a slew of appointments and new doctors to visit. here’s the skinny on it all:

eyes: check. we are grateful we only have to go back for annual eye checks
ENT: check. ears look good, we will go back at 6 months for another hearing screen. we did do a scope to check on Laryngomalacia (aka floppy airway) which is very common in all babies. structurally all looks well, but we did see signs of irritation from reflux. this is something we are keeping an eye on.
swallow study/feeding therapy: we learned through a swallow study that brady has a risk of aspirating thin liquids 100% of his swallows. the barium test showed deep penetration into the airway with every swallow. when we moved to “nectar” consistency, we saw improvement with every swallow. currently, we are thickening feeds to nectar consistency and will re-test in 2-3 months. i’ll do a separate post on this process.
cardiology: this was the big one. brady has been doing so well and still is doing well. however, we have started to see all the signs and changes that we were warned about. brady is in the early stages of heart failure, but we are still able to manage it and schedule surgery “electively.” we started him on Lasix to help take some pressure off his lungs and heart. this should help with his feeding and overall well being. we also saw a small dip in his weight gain. he is still gaining, but not on his curve he had been on. we have 2 weeks until his next appointment to turn it around before we start talking about fortifying his feedings. i think we can do it! we are seeing some positive changes since thickening. his most recent echo showed everything exactly as it has been. the hole is still very large (almost 1 cm) and not getting any smaller. surgery is tentatively “scheduled” for July.
PT: brady started PT and we are working on neck control and range of motion. just in a few days of directed play and proper holding techniques, we have seen improvements. we are battling a flat head (his left side) because he favors looking left. odds are brady will need a helmet, but we are doing everything we can to fix it before we get to that point. he’s a strong little dude!

most importantly this month, he is still as cute as can be, sleeping like a champ (PRAISE), and stealing hearts everywhere!

2 month update

y’all. brady is already TWO months old! that is so wild to me. it feels like yesterday we were coming home from the hospital. i know time flies, but man is it flying by faster this go around. i wanted to share a quick update on where we are with our little brady bug.

sleep

now that we are doing well in the weight gain department, we were given the clear to let him “sleep through the night.” AMEN. because brady is actually a pretty good sleeper. most nights we are doing a 10:30/11 PM dream feed and little man sleeps until we wake him up at 7:30 AM. i know, i know. we are very lucky with this. from my non-scientific research (and poll of other DS mommas) it seems to be a common characteristic of our babies. i think the combo of his diagnosis and VSD makes brady a champion sleeper.

feeding

bottle feeding continues to go well. i am still “exclusively pumping” with hopes that he will nurse. basically, we do a bottle, attempt to nurse, then i pump. he latched a couple times and stayed put for a good minute. it wasn’t long enough to transfer much milk, but it is progress and it keeps me hopeful that we might be able to get there and i can kick the pump. in the meantime, pumping it is.

we do have some concerns that he might have silent aspiration/reflux. when his bottles are not going well, he is usually exhibiting discomfort. his eyes water and get red blotches around them, he sneezes, he pulls off the bottle frequently and may spit up. because of these warning signs, we will have a swallow study done at the end of the month.

doctor appointments

after our visit to the Down syndrome clinic at Emory, we added a few more specialists to the rotation. brady will see ENT and ophthalmology this month in addition to our regular pediatrician and cardiologist.

ENT will check his ears in more depth and also take a look at his breathing. brady frequenting makes “squeaky toy” sounds when he is flat on his back or sometimes while eating. this is pretty common with all babies, but sleep apnea is very common with Down syndrome. i am not at the point of requesting a sleep study yet, but we will see how the initial ENT visit goes.

he will also get his second RSV shot this month. the RSV shot will go on pause until “RSV season” picks up again in the fall.

early intervention/therapies

brady had his initial evaluation with georgia’s early intervention program Babies Can’t Wait. this will definitely be a more in-depth post at a later date. sharing the good, the bad and the ugly. until then though, here is what we know. brady is delayed, which we expected. a case manager is assigned to us and will begin working on setting up the various therapies he qualifies for at this time. it will like be PT and OT to start, but we will see.

big brother

landon is adjusting to being a big brother pretty well. he thinks it is so much fun to “hold” brady and we get to watch some really sweet kisses exchanged and gentle pets/hugs. landon even likes to “help” me feed brady and change his diapers. however, i play defense 90% of day. landon will go from a sweet kiss to a swift slap on the face and poke in the eye. man. he is still learning and very much a toddler.

a difference i wasn’t expecting

i intended to write this post for Brady’s one month, but here we are two weeks later and our little bug is 6 weeks old and NINE pounds! whoop, whoop! it’s crazy to think Landon was only few ounces smaller than this when he was born…woah.

i’ll kick off this post with all things medical for Brady. i have been getting a lot of questions about his appointments, so i figure i’ll clear that up and then move on into what has been on my mind and heart.

medical updates – Brady continues to do well with eating and gaining weight. his main specialist we see is his cardiologist to monitor his heart, breathing, and weight gain. surgery is still on the horizon, but as long as he is doing well, we will push it out as long as possible. that could mean 4-6 months, 9 months, 1 year, etc… this definitely drives my “planner” side a bit insane! the plan is no plan as of yet.

we are on a “typical” schedule with his pediatrician at this point. next appointment will be when he is 2 months. we graduated from heavy monitoring for now. we also are able to feed on demand at night, which means we are going 5 and 6 hour stretches now and feeling a little more human.

yesterday, Brady had an appointment with the director or the Emory Down syndrome clinic. it just so happens that the doctor is also the director of the new X and Y Chromosome clinic (side note: of all their patients, they have only one other little boy with both Klinefelters and Down syndrome). after her initial examination, we have been referred out to ENT, ophthalmology and swallow study. i had a feeling we were in a little calm before the storm.

we have our evaluation next week with Babies Can’t Wait and we will see which therapies Brady qualifies for. initially, we anticipate PT once per month, but depending on swallow study results, we could be seeing OT and feeding therapy more often. PHEW.

now on to what is really on my heart. it’s something that i had feared during my pregnancy, but never anticipated would be so different.

who does Brady look like?

with Landon, there was an overwhelming response of friends and family saying “he is a mini-Mike” or “he looks just like you!” or “i see so much of your family in him!” with Brady, there was hardly any of that.

our families, of course, made these comments and compared similarities between Brady’s features and our families/Landon. but from other friends? i can probably count on one hand the number of people who mentioned which one of us they think he looks like. when i think about that for too long, i get sad.

when i look at Brady, i don’t see Down syndrome. i know i am his mom and i am blinded by his adorableness and my love for him, but this was also something i feared while pregnant. will i look at him and only see Down syndrome? will i be able to see beyond his diagnosis?

it’s silly to me, now. so i do understand why it might not be as easy for others to see or talk about or feel comfortable mentioning to us. that is okay. i am here to educate, enlighten, and hopefully ease the discomfort so that your next interaction with someone in similar shoes as us might be easier.

here is what i can tell you about this topic: babies with Down syndrome do have some distinct facial features like almond-shaped eyes and a slightly flatter nose. however, babies with Down syndrome look more like their family member than they resemble one another. Brady WILL look like our family/his siblings. good thing i don’t have to worry about him inheriting a full blown DiLegge nose! HA!

if you need a little help seeing it, i encourage you to follow a few other mommas and kiddos on Instagram:

you will see just how much the little ones look like their mommas and dadas.

photos curtesy of Perfectly Bliss Photography

30 going on 31…weeks

not my age. although, i am recently (ish) 30. i can’t believe it’s November. i can’t believe i am about to be 31 weeks pregnant. i can’t believe we are about to have another baby SO soon. between the holidays and many tasks left to get done around the house, we are going to blink and baby will be here.

in the last week or so, not a whole lot has happened pregnancy wise. i had two appointments, one with my regular OB and one with my perinatologist. i learned a lot of things from these two appointments – basically for the duration of my pregnancy, i will live at the doctor’s office. ugh.

there is a much greater risk of stillbirths with babies that have chromosomal abnormalities and they want to make sure they catch any signs of distress ASAP. so starting at 34 weeks, i will go to the OB once a week for non-stress tests and the perinatologist once a week for biophysical profiles. that’s two appointments a week until i deliver. at any point in time, they could be telling me i need to go in and have this baby. looks like i have to add packing my hospital bag to my list of to-dos in the coming weeks!

other things related to little bug and momming life – our part-time nanny started last week and it has been life changing. the first day went great! i was able to focus on things i needed to do around the house, get myself dressed without having to chase a toddler around while brushing my teeth and even got some work done (gasp!). the second day, Landon realized i wasn’t home and was overly tired which made for a tearful morning. i am hoping this phase will pass as he gets to know her more and by the time little bug is here, he’ll be excited to play with Ms. Mallory. we also picked a pediatrician and it feels great to have that sorted out. i hope my gut is right with this choice and we come to love him as the medical professional protecting our children.

life updates – our first halloween in the new house was a semi-success. i say “semi” because Landon was in a sour mood and was not at all interested in going house to house (i know he’s still young). instead, he just wanted to wander the street and stare at all the big kids in costumes. we also ran out of candy by 7:30 PM, soooooooooo now we know! our neighborhood closes off the street in front of our house so kids can roam safely. it turns into quite the crowd from neighboring streets and two costco size bags of candy just wasn’t going to cut it.

life lessons i have learned this week – i am not alone in my thoughts and feelings. the support from each of you has been incredible and i find comfort in knowing that we are going through a lot of this together. whether related to a baby/child or something totally different, there is a common thread between the struggles. i also learned that while your child is getting their molars, ALWAYS give Motrin at night even when you think they are doing better. the TWO nights i didn’t give L his Motrin, resulted in a 4 AM wake-up (the night before Halloween, so probably why he was cranky) and 3 AM wake-up just a couple nights ago. i am exhausted and definitely coming down with something from the lack of sleep. my goal, more Motrin and take naps 🙂

PS my friends from Cali are coming to visit this weekend to go to their first ever SEC football game. i couldn’t be more excited to visit with them, but also get back up to Athens to cheer on my Bulldogs!

the waiting weeks 2.0: weeks 16-18

weeks 16 to 18 were filled with more waiting, but more “life.” here’s a look back at those weeks while we moved, prepared for an amniocentesis, and house hunted!

week 16: on july 27, we headed to our perinatologist in Oakland hoping to be able to have the amniocentesis done this day. i was freshly 16 weeks pregnant and just barely into the window of time where they can perform an amniocentesis. basically, they want the amniotic sac walls to be fused before they perform an amnio. this typically happens as early as 16 weeks, but is not the case for everyone. surprise, surprise, this was not the case for me.

the first half of the appointment consists of the ultrasound where the sonographer takes tons of pictures of baby to measure, track development, look for potential abnormalities or defects, and check if the amniotic wall has fused. then you meet with the doctor to go over the results. little bug (our nickname for this baby) was looking good and happy. per usual, he would not sit still for his pictures! then the doctor came in to talk through the results. things we learned this day: 1) i would not be getting the amnio unless we wanted to risk an unsuccessful procedure (we decided to return in 2 weeks) 2) there were a few areas of concern – there were signs of a hole in his heart, a potential brain defect, and a potential echogenic bowel 3) he was happy as a clam and gave us the thumbs up – like don’t worry mom and dad, i’m going to be okay 🙂 meet little bug ❤

it seemed like we were getting more and more bad news at every appointment. we had to keep in mind, however, that all of these potential health concerns were all considered normal for a baby with down syndrome.

week 16 was also filled with some fun things – house hunting! well, house hunting from afar. we looked at listings online from our agent and compiled a list of homes we wanted to see the following week when we arrived in Atlanta!

week 17: this week was a blur of life things. i think we toured almost 20 potential homes, striking out with them all. then we had a friend’s wedding in the North Carolina mountains. it was a much needed break from “life.” a weekend away baby-free (thanks to my father-in-law for keeping Landon), where we could reconnect with our east coast friends, relax, and semi-forget all of the stresses in our life.

we had a rude awakening back to reality after the weekend. Mike flew back out to California to handle the movers and returning the keys to our place. he flew back late Wednesday night to be at work bright and early Thursday. then i flew back to Cali on Thursday afternoon for my amnio procedure the following day. woof. this was a week!

week 18: week 18 started with me flying back to California for my amnio. due to insurance reasons, i had to come back to Cali. truthfully, i wasn’t too disappointed! we planned a girls weekend with my friends out there and basically had a weekend-long sleepover! besides the actual procedure part, it was a really fun weekend 🙂

the amnio. man, was i scared. there was the pain part that scared me… no pain medication or numbing creams to help with a needle going through my belly. then there was the risk to our baby that scared me. we already knew our baby had down syndrome (even though all the tests were not a true diagnosis), so was it worth the potential risk to baby just to find out the answer to the Klinefelters? i wanted Mike with me, but it just wasn’t possible.

one of my best friends stepped in for Mike and took me to the appointment and was my nurse for the rest of the day. the ultrasound showed the amniotic walls were fused and the procedure could take place. i think the entire procedure took all of one minute. it was definitely uncomfortable and not something i would like to do again. we had to wait two weeks for the results.

the rest of the day was spent relaxing and binge watching Bachelor in Paradise.

as with all things, everything seems to pile on at one time. we submitted an offer on a house the same day as my procedure (i did not see said house in person, but loved it from the pictures and trusted Mike to make the ultimate decision after he saw it) and went under contract the next day. life was definitely not slowing down for us anytime soon…

the dark days

editors note: this post is lengthy. it is a completely, transparent, honest recollection of my days following the first sign of bad news. i am embarrassed by many of my thoughts and emotions, but i said i was going to be honest when i started this blog. i can only speak for myself, so i briefly touch on Mike throughout these days. please know, this is NOT how i/we currently feel. we have come a long way since these dark days.

still in shock from the appointment, we finally got Landon to sleep for his afternoon nap and have a brief moment of reflection. we hugged and held each other for what felt like an eternity. i was hoping it was all a bad dream and i would be waking up from it soon. i decided to run out to grab takeout for dinner, because there was no chance i was going to be able to focus on putting together a meal for the evening. i was alone in my car when i received a call from my mother-in-law and that was when it all really hit me. something was wrong with our baby.

the tears started that afternoon and never really stopped after that. same with the flood of questions, fear, doubt, worry, confusion, etc. i was truly grieving. grieving the life i had once pictured for our future – our marriage when we would be empty nesters (likely not a reality anymore), the future for our family and kids, what that future would look like, what our family would look like, what opportunities our children would have in life. the hopes and dreams i once had, all seemed to fade away fast. i grieved it all.

in those initial moments, i was confused and angry with God. we are both very faithful people, but i started to question it all. how could God want this for us? how could he want this for any child? what is He trying to show me? what did i do to deserve this?

in the midst of all the emotion, there were real decisions that needed to be made. how were we going to proceed next? we had three days to decide what type of testing to do. we dove into researching the options to make the best choice for us and our baby. when we left our appointment on Thursday, the genetic counselor was pushing for a CVS procedure (invasive procedure with a risk of miscarriage, but is a true diagnosis) over a noninvasive, blood test (NIPS) that was not diagnostic, but pretty accurate in screening for the chromosomal abnormalities. the genetic counselor was pushing the CVS to make sure we had plenty of time to decide how we would proceed with the pregnancy should we receive a positive diagnosis of chromosomal abnormality. translation: if we would terminate or not. i was NOT prepared for this idea. neither was Mike. i think it hit us both like a semi-truck. it was never in our hearts or thoughts, but now we were faced with the reality to discuss it.

chromosomal abnormalities come in a wide range – trisomy 13 & 18 (typically not compatible with life), trisomy 21 (Down syndrome), and sex chromosome abnormalities (in the grand scheme of chromosomal problems these are not hugely impactful on developing life). where our little baby would fall into these categories, we did not know. did we want to know now, so we would not be left to wonder for days? or do we keep our baby safe for as long as possible and endure the wait?

by monday, we had decided no matter what was going on with our baby, nothing would change the course of this pregnancy. we met with the second genetic counselor and decided to opt-out of the CVS procedure and do the non-invasive blood test. this genetic counselor provided more insight to my blood work and said it was more consistent with a trisomy 13 or 18 case, rather than a Down syndrome case. truthfully, we did not know what to make of this news, but knew we had more research to do. a prick to the arm later and we left with more uncertainty to wait for the results.

the waiting game is the absolute WORST. no matter what the situation – job interview, medical tests, a date to call you back, buying a house, etc. in the period of waiting, you are met with anxiety, fear, sleepless nights, lack of interest, appetite, and STRESS. this was our reality for the next 7-10 days. i would be sitting and playing with Landon, when i would be overcome with sadness and start crying. i would look at him and wonder what this meant for his childhood. would he only know hospital and doctor visits for his baby brother or sister? would he be as carefree as a child should be? would he have the same opportunities as others or be hindered by what is going on with the family? suddenly, i would end up in a dark spiral of thoughts. all valid, but all unknown. only God could answer these questions.

thankfully, i was not alone during this time. Mike took time away from work to focus on our family and our mental health. he was grieving like i was, we just grieved in different ways during this time. some days he was the strong one and others it was me. some days I could feel confident trusting in God’s plan for our family and others I was a total mess, filled with doubt. it was truly a rollercoaster of a week.

to add more fuel to the fire, this same week of waiting for updates on the health of our baby, Mike was in the process of renegotiating his contract. were we staying in California or moving away? between the work stress and baby stress, we were ready to explode. all the uncertainty was placed on our shoulders at one time. we were being tested as parents and partners.

God has a funny way of working, though. after all the uncertainty with baby, He opened up an opportunity for Mike to return to Atlanta. that meant, potentially moving back to my home and have the love and support of our families nearby. it’s like He said, “i may have given you a lot to handle, but i will help make this easier to manage.” the Atlanta opportunity was a total God wink.

on Monday, July 9, 2018, we learned the results of my NIPS. positive for Down syndrome (90% chance) and much to our surprise, positive for a sex chromosome abnormality. we weren’t planning to find out the gender of this baby (just like we had done with Landon), but we had questions about the sex chromosome abnormality that could not be answered without us finding out. we are having another boy!

in my next few posts, i’ll touch more on the subsequent days, telling our friends and family, and the continued grieving process.

the day our lives turned upside down.

the first time our lives turned upside down was when Landon was born. the second time, it was June 28th and i was freshly 12 weeks pregnant. we were on the verge of starting to break the news to our friends and extended families that Landon would be a big brother. up until now, everything was pretty textbook. baby looked healthy, had a strong heartbeat, and was developing as expected. overall, i was feeling pretty good – minus some nausea and a few food aversions.

we were still living in California at the time and in California, the state pays for a prenatal screening program for anyone who would like to opt into the additional testing. for me, and us, it wasn’t something that my doctor strongly recommended we do given my age and clean family histories. the chances of a chromosomal abnormality were extremely low. however, we did the screening when i was pregnant with Landon, so we decided we would do it again. best case scenario, it was an extra ultrasound and chance to see our baby. worse case scenario, we would learn about potential risks that we would have time to educate ourselves on before the baby is born.

we sat in the exam room at maternal fetal medicine, Landon in tow because our babysitter wasn’t available, watching the sonographer work her magic and show us our baby. baby was happy, moving around like crazy, and made it a bit challenging for the sonographer to get the measurements. we thought it was pretty cute.

during this visit, the sonographer measures the fluid space between the neck and outer dermis. in combination with blood work done before the exam (and eventually after), they use algorithms to determine your baby’s risk of a chromosomal abnormality.

after the sonographer wrapped up her measurements of baby, we waited for the doctor to come in and deliver the results of the first two portions of the screening, the blood work and NT ultrasound. Landon was getting restless, as it was starting to get late for his afternoon nap, but we fully expected to be out the door in ten minutes with a sleeping baby in the car. that’s when the doctor arrived to deliver the results.

all I remember him saying was “i wish i had different news to share with you, but unfortunately your screen came back positive. high risk for chromosomal abnormality.” we both sat there stunned. in shock. not sure what to ask or what to say. there were no tears (yet) and i thought i was going to wake up from this bad dream at any moment. i was in disbelief that anything could be going on with our baby. we were told we would meet with the genetic counselor next before we would be on our way.

in the meeting with the genetic counselor, we were fighting our restless 14 month old and our emotions. we learned that our baby’s neck measurement was 6mm and the threshold for “normal” was 3mm. we learned my blood proteins were also very low for the normal range. we were told we now had a 1 in 5 chance of our baby having down syndrome (trisomy 21), trisomy 13 or trisomy 18. we were given all the information we needed to decide the next course of action we wanted to take, aka what further testing we wanted to do to learn more about what was going on with baby. after all, this was just a screening test that could have resulted in a false positive.

we took our information, uneasy emotions, and restless toddler as we exited. our next step was another meeting 4 days later for further counseling and testing. until then, we needed to process, pray, and research. needless to say, we waited to share the news about baby #2 until we had a better handle on all the unknowns.

the next 4 days, and subsequent week, were some of the darkest days of my life.

jumping in.

hi. if you are joining me here, you probably just read my instagram post, or heard from a friend, or from me, Mike or my family about this crazy idea of mine to start a blog. truthfully, this is something that has been on my heart for quite some time, ever since we learned the initial shocking news about baby #2. and truthfully, it’s very scary for me to share my life with the world, so i am jumping in head first.

if you know me more personally, you know i lay awake most nights with thoughts and feelings running through my head. i decided, for me, that it would be most helpful and therapeutic to get them out, to make a journal of sorts. and that is where this blog was born – 2 am, awake with my feelings.

my hopes and goals for this space are:

to provide a place where friends and family can stay up-to-date with our journey during this pregnancy and into parenthood with two under two
to be an advocate for our baby and share resources we have found helpful
to connect with others walking a similar path
to *hopefully* ease my mind (and get a little more sleep at night)

if you happened here by chance, or just have no idea what i am talking about, my name is Stefanie. i am recently 30 and currently pregnant with our second baby who has been blessed with an extra chromosome. it’s extremely rare for my age, but there is a 90% chance our baby will have down syndrome. we will know more definitively what is going on with baby in the coming weeks. more on that later.

in the meantime, i ask that we keep this space positive and full of prayer. if you know anyone who is sharing in this same journey, please share this with them. feel free to comment! i would love to connect with everyone.